Why Living Together Without a Marriage is A Selfish Move

The structure of our society has been changing rapidly. People no more marry early because they want to first see themselves established. A secure job, money and sometimes a permanent home are their top priorities. That is actually a wise move.

But in the middle, there are also those who would prefer to stay with their partners under the same roof for a while before saying “I do”. Although a norm now it never fails to confuse many senior mommies and daddies. Meanwhile, researchers have taken an interest in learning more about it. Strangely, sometimes they see it as positive and sometimes completely negative. We cannot ignore the religious people either. They will always see it as a sin.

Interestingly, there are some writers and advisers out there who have been calling cohabitation a selfish arrangement. But why you ask? Don’t worry; you are not the only one who has this question. There was a time when even I wondered how cohabitation was a selfish move despite being against it. Thanks to my boyfriend, now I understand it and I am going to talk about it here today. He actually has two explanations for it.

Might not be a marriage material

According to him, if a guy recommends his girlfriend to move in to his apartment while reminding her that he is not ready for marriage yet she should take it as insult. The reason behind this is that no matter how much he convinces her that there are benefits to doing it, deep down inside he has doubt about whether she is truly a marriage material. The good thing about this step is that it allows him to create a security hole! But this is not all. In the name of test drive, he enjoys a free maid who would do household tasks for him with love. If things go wrong he will be able to say goodbye to her without letting the law step in. 

Perhaps, not true love

“He is in doubt that he loves her truly” says my boyfriend. According to him, most men wish to marry the true love of their lives. It is a way for them to immortalize their relationships. They will do everything to make it happen. Sure many marriages which had no connection with cohabitation ended up dying. But the point to note is that those marriages were done out of love.  In other words, the men said “I do” because they wanted to immortalize their love. But when they start to see cohabitation as the best option they are telling themselves that they are not yet sure if they really love their partners. That is why, they wish to take advantage of again, the security hole. In short, they are still being selfish.We all are aware of the fear involved in saying I love you to the wrong person. "Would you marry me?" is a question similar to that. Yes, saying "I love you" without consulting the heart can be sometimes easy, but same is not true for "Would you marry me?" The question is actually larger than life and only those who are sure of their true feelings can utter it.

Of course, many women can have similar thoughts and not just men.  It takes two to tango after all! The truth is that if doubts prevent a relationship from getting the title of marriage there must be something wrong with it. This is just what my boyfriend says and I agree with him. Of course, he has gone a step farther by saying that when a man asks a woman to move in she should take it as an insult because she is not exactly worthy of being his wife. What you just read is not based on research. I would be glad if my readers state here their own opinions on whether they see cohabitation as selfish. 

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