Things You Must Discuss with Your Boyfriend Before Marriage

Congratulations if you have found a life companion in your current boyfriend. Love is like floating clouds. They take us high above the sky.

But wait! Come back to earth for a second. You have some discussions to do with your boyfriend to make sure that you two can keep floating forever instead of arranging each other's funeral. One of the leading causes of divorce is argument.

This happens from misconceptions and miscommunication. That is why, boyfriend and girlfriend must communicate with each other before the marriage can take place. But this communication should not be only about general likes and dislikes. Instead, they must be about the future. Consider the following questions:

1. Where do we live?
While some people are happy to live in their hometown, others prefer to move out completely. And then there are those who do not wish to live in their country. Ever heard of people who say they want to travel around the world? If you boyfriend is one of them and you don't truly agree with him, you will have problem with him after you guys say "I do". So discuss it as much as possible. Some couples actually divorce because of the location issue.

What Does It Mean When Women Say They Like Confident Men

Ask a lady what she wants in her man and she will definitely reply that he must be confident. It is one of the few factors women want in a man. But what does it exactly mean? There is no denying to the fact that the term is broad, making it difficult for men to understand it fully. Apparently, in this broadness lies its multiple meanings which are rather situational. If you don't learn all about them you will not be able to keep a partner in your life for a very long time.

Being confident initially means you must be daring enough to get out of your shell to ask her out: Remember a woman will find it rather odd if your friend asks her out on your behalf. Why? Because that is the dating tradition found in middle school. Also it screams aloud that you do not fully trust her and that you have been discussing her with probably too many friends of yours. Lots of things can run through her head about it, but one that stands out as the worst is malicious gossip. Are you discussing with your friends her expressions and mentality? A confident man doesn't do this. When he likes someone he takes the risk of inviting her to a date face to face.

Being confident during the date means you can carry yourself with ease in front of her: As you know, a date session will allow your lady to get to know you better. So here being confident means that you are comfortable being who you are. In other words, you do  not become nervous, unusually quiet and closed off.

Being confident during sex means you know what you are doing: Here you have to show to a woman that you are comfortable with your body and the way you would like to please her. Going blank, however, will put you in the opposite direction! Note that not all women are looking for sex and those so called experienced men. Yet don't be shy to be a tease in this department. It can make her want you more.

Being confident about the relationship means you know where you are going with her: Women dislike confused men. It is irritating in the sense that it speaks of going in circle, leaving permanence out. A confident man is sure of what he wants out of the relationship. He does not make up excuses to kill time with random dates. He does not fear uttering I love you. He makes a point to make the relationship official. If he is not happy he does not disappear for days. Instead he makes it clear that he wants a breakup.

Sinister Truth Revealed By A Spy From Adultery Site

Internet is like sushi. It is healthy and addictive, yet may harm someone with its parasites. Snowden confirmed the massive surveillance program of NSA.

Yet many chose to go against the idea of keeping their private lives out of Internet. Playing with fire does burn and now there is news that private companies are also spying on people through their own sites. Ashley Madison is one of them. This a site for those who are already in relationship, but have a tendency to wander off. In short, it is the dating site of cheaters.

Today Ashley Madison has more than 21 million subscribers. Not all of them are from north America. Success in such a strange venture proves to be beneficial for other things. Just recently, a professor from University of Winchester  came out with a weird conclusion that married women cheat because they are looking for passion. They actually love their husbands and don’t want a divorce. Give a standing ovation for their moral stance.  People cheat online when they don’t want to divorce.

Traditionally, cheating online equals to having an affair secretly because Internet is perceived as a place for anonymous communication. But when you give out your credit card number you don’t remain anonymous anymore at least to site officials in the background. The irony is that Ashley Madison’s chatting and messaging options are not free. So those who want to cheat desperately are compelled to give out their private information. Back to professor’s story, don’t you wish to how he came up with the conclusion?

Most Common Foolproof Romantic Formula to Attract Mr. Right

Remember that high school crush of yours which never came to fruition?Later you probably had relationship with other guys. But just for a moment, ask yourself what attracted you to those specific people and why you wished to have a relationship with them. Sure you will say because you like or love them.

But what has contributed to this feeling? Don't scratch your head because psychology has the answers to all of them. No matter how different we are, no matter where we live, the way we go about looking for a relationship is always connected to same old features of interpersonal attraction and triangular theory of love. They emphasize that nothing happens randomly. If you don't believe it read the details given below. They will also provide you with clear explanation on why you could not have a relationship with your high school crush. If you are single they will help you learn the tricks to get to Mr Right. Infographic is also included.

Interpersonal Attraction

A relationship begins with specific process of screening. Sometimes you have control over how you go about moving from one to another. Other times, they occur from divine intervention which traditionally is called accident.

Screen#1: Proximity
According to theory of proximity, a relationship begins with seeing, hearing and of course, interaction.  The notion is that the closer you are to a person, the better you will be able to interact with him. The more it continues, the more you will get to know him. In brief, the meetings lead to relationship. Proximity does not say that one has to be extroverted to make this happen. It only concludes that without interaction, it is not possible to woo the love interest. This means that if you are shy just make a point to bump into your love interest or visit places where he is normally found.

Screen#2: Physical Attractiveness
Perhaps, you think he is handsome, but does he have the same opinion about you?Since beauty is in the eye of beholder, how attractive you are to him is just partially in your control. Example of it is taking measures to look your best to get his attention. Research shows that we choose to be in relationships with those who are on our same plain of attractiveness. The reason is our fear of rejection from those who are not fully like us in appearance. This fear brews from our shyness.

Screen#3: Similarity
Theory of similarity states that two people do not require to be 100 percent similar. What matters most is whether they think and behave in the same way because this is what breaks the ice and takes the two people to comfort zone where they become more open to each other. Didn't you hear the saying that birds of a feather flock together? Similarity is so powerful that it can override the failed stage of physical attractiveness to bring two people into a relationship. Once again, it is all about comfort zone. In the same way, a failure in similarity is far more capable of failing the infatuation created by that stage of physical attractiveness. Just ask yourself whether you can be happy with someone who does not abide by what you value the most? If you are more of a homely person would you be able to stay with someone who needs to climb the mountain to feel alive?

Doesn't opposite attract?
The concept of opposite attracts is something based mainly on physical attractiveness and sometimes lust. He probably is attractive. He probably makes your body spark in bed. But with only those two, a relationship cannot find its ground, for differences lead to arguments which eventually become unbearable. Research proves that  like minded couples tend to have lasting relationships while those that are opposite part their ways.
If you are lonely and looking you can take advantage of  proximity, physical attractiveness and similarity by going to places where you will find plenty of fish. Make use of interaction, but refrain from looking desperate.

Triangular Theory of Love

Interpersonal attraction theories are connected to the initial stage of a relationship. They are more about the friend zone. How to go deeper into the relationship? Triangular theory of love has the answer to this. This theory takes us to the path of more than friends.

#1. Intimacy
This has nothing to do with sex. The true meaning of intimacy here is bonding which occurs after two people begin to realize that they think alike. The chemistry just feels right and your concern for him starts to increase. He feels the same way about you. In short, you two found the special someone in each other.

#2. Passion
Things between special someones can't stay platonic too long. For some, it is all in sex. But then there is another group of people for whom just a simple physical touch becomes memorable. Consequently, it will be wrong to assume that passion kicks in only in bed.  The truth is that passion is related to intense sexual desire for the special someone.

#3. Decision/Commitment
When bonding feels right and passion keeps the two people awake at night, the decision to commit automatically kicks in. It is the recognition of love and official version of relationship. Yet the success of both depends  on how effectively the couple passes the test of bad times.

So now do you get how friendship turns into love and then relationship? We all experiences these phases. If only cleverly used, one no more has to be stay single.

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17 Common Reasons Why Relationships Don't Work

It is common for young people to jump from one relationship to another. Is it even necessary? In most cases, yes. We all have some kind of expectations that we want to fulfill through someone else. It does not always come to fruition because we humans do not have the same minds.

Sometimes our relationships come to an end abruptly without a closure, leaving us wondering why it happened. Most often we blame ourselves or the one who initiated the ending. But if we just rewind all the sections of the relationship, we may get to response sooner. A doomed relationship always has fool’s gold coatings on. Initially, we think of them as nothing but false alarms. Only when the bomb is dropped we come to our senses. Other times, we consciously understand where we are going wrong, but never make an effort to hear ourselves. Feeling close to someone is quite fascinating and blinding. That is why, we stay in bad relationships. But that is just one simple way to explain why a relationship does not work. It is important that we go into the depth of the gruesome situation to understand many different reasons responsible for the breakup. Take a deep breath and begin going through them below. If you are a teenager or in your 20s, you probably went through most of them. They are very common reasons.

1. Physical attraction is not there at all: No matter what many romantic philosophers say, physical attraction matters at least in the first few years of the relationship. It decides our urge to be sexual with the partner. It decides how they appear in our imagination. It makes us feel good about their presence. But what about compromising with an unattractive partner? It may just means that we are forcing ourselves to warm up to them and that truly does not work in the long run especially if we have marriage in our mind. Today’s women can be quite nit-picky about the appearance of their partners. I had the privilege of hearing the criticism about a boyfriend of my friend. It was so nasty that despite the fact that I never saw him I felt embarrassed. They eventually decided to end the relationship. But what brought them together in the first place? It was none other than persuasion. He liked her a lot and kept chasing her. Eventually, she said yes. 

2. Difference in values: Simply surrendering to physical attraction does not lead to happy ending. We must also look into compatibility of the values because they are a big part of who we are and how we love, what we wear and how we behave. Extreme difference in those can be detrimental to any relationship, for not being able to accept them can force the couple to feel suffocated. Not accepting the values is also associated with not liking certain habits of the partner.

3. Boredom in their presence: When you are with the partner you feel time is just not moving forward. It starts to irritate you. Contrary to this is the feeling that when you are with them time just runs out faster. This is a positive sign for a relationship. However, if you don’t enjoy being with your partner you will probably never like the idea of spending more time with them in the future. Sure for most couples, honeymoon period comes to an end quickly, but if you think you need to ignore them one full week by rejecting their calls nothing will save your relationship from going downhill.

4. Only the sex is good: It is idiotic to think that relationship can be built on fulfillment of physical needs. Sexual compatibility is good, but it is just one of the many factors to influence the success of a relationship. If the partners lack togetherness using those factors, their relationship is bound to fail.

5. Always in need of adventure and social gathering to keep the relationship going: This is somewhat same as the one discussed above. However, if the couple always has to take help of adventures and parties to make their time worthwhile then it means that they truly do not enjoy each other’s solo presence. Socializing is almost like an addiction. Some people cannot live without it. Sadly, for relationships, this does turn toxic. What you need to know is that adventure and parties are temporary and that makes them incompetent relationship battery charger. In a way, too much time spent on social activities can occasionally jeopardize a relationship. Two examples are suspicion and misunderstanding. Add alcohol to the socializing situation and you will find the relationship sliding downward even more. One distant relative of mine ended up killing his wife because she slept with a man after drinking too much at a party. They used to be social butterflies. Before getting married, they used to boast about how they had so much memories at clubs and bars. Another colleague had a breakup because of similar reason.

6. Impossible to talk to each other about problems from other areas of life: When he world shuts door on us we need someone to lean on. It has been known for years that people don't go in relationships just for enhancement of their position in the society, but also for having proper emotional support. That is the reason why most parents encourage their kids to get married. Emotional support is traditionally received in the form of sympathy, encouragement, advice and even physical actions to do something about the problem. If this main ingredient is absent in the relationship then nothing can prevent it from getting destroyed. Absence of emotional support sometimes causes less manly partners to cheat.

7. One partner insults the other in presence of friends or family: This is truly one of the worst signs of doomed relationship. Sometimes the partner doing this has no idea that they are causing their love to feel embarrassed. Most often they will not change. The excuse they use is that people forget it all. But then there is another kind of partner who does it as a way to hurt the love intentionally out of vengeance. Unless someone has puppy character, the insult may turn into cold war cum atom bomb dropped once in Hiroshima.

8. The man is less successful than the woman: Love is blind to young souls. Discrimination is wrong. Some college going women begin relationship with degreeless men. Everything feels nice in the beginning. But as the brain begins to mature, feeling of being with a less successful man starts to lurk around. Women usually prefer men who have a college degree. It is proven by research. I heard several complaints from classmates who feel embarrassed by the fact that their men never went to college. Strangely, difference in salary does not always cause this same problem. Also men have less trouble accepting women with no college degree. It still is a plus.

9. Too many breakups and makeups: Most movies and television shows glorify it. Remember Winnie and Kevin from Wonder Years? Not sure how many people thought it was cute that they were always together even after gazillions makeups and breakups. It was just the maker’s marketing tactic to keep viewers wondering about the fate of their relationship. Like some Hollywood movies, it did brainwash a few to think that this is how star crossed lovers can get to happiness. In the end, Kevin married someone else, disappointing many fans of Wonder Years. Young people cannot resist the idea of breakups and makeups. It is quite romantic to think that even after so many ups and downs if the couple can’t say goodbye to each other then there must be some kind of divine intervention working to bring them together. The opposite is actually true. The divine intervention works between the doomed couple in the form of breakups, signaling that they are not made for each other.

10. Unresolved issues: Lots of arguments, makeups and breakups have happened. But the issue for which they are brought to table is never resolved. Most often after the makeup, the partners decide to let go of it for a while, but then after a week it resurfaces and another argument takes place. Going in circle with it is only a sign that the two partners do not find it easy to agree with each other. Hence, the relationship may not work.

11. Psychological torture affecting the health and career: When the problems of a relationship begin to affect the body and other areas of life through depression and fear it is important step back and think logically. True love improves us. It does not pose threat to our health and career. At least 5 of my friends ended up failing in their college classes because of their chaotic relationships. Sadly, none of those relationships went anywhere, but their F grade continues to hunt them in the form of low GPA.

12. While one partner is serious, the other one loves to be care free: Care fee people love to joke around. They are light on responsibilities. Meanwhile, serious people tend to get upset about jokes coming their way. They are more disciplined and practice wording their sentences properly. This kind of difference in communication often does not lead to happiness in relationships. This is true especially if the female partner is more serious.

13. Cannot imagine them to be in the future: The partner is in the dream, but it is impossible to imagine spending the entire life with them. They are not your wife or husband in your dream. No happiness is found in the imagination. When the first thought of marriage comes you go in surprise mode. There is no way you feel you can truly spend the rest of your life with them. Just a little of thinking about the future can help you understand whether your relationship will work.

14. Intention was wrong from the very beginning: Once upon a time, this was connected to mainly men. But now women show similar signs. Sometimes people get into relationship with no expectation about the future. They are with someone just to make themselves feel good or boost their status in the society. Relationship to them is nothing more than a pass time. Consequently, when the idea of marriage is brought up to table by their partner they frown and fear. Most often they make up an excuse that they are not ready yet or tactfully change the topic. There is no point in trying to change their mind. If they can’t think marriage then the relationship probably will just go in circle or come to an abrupt end.

15. Partner does not provide protection from enemies disguised as concerned parents: Parents and kids do not always have the same outlook and taste. It is all because of the differences in personalities and ever changing generations. Some parents have trouble understanding it. They feel they must always have a say on with whom their kids mate. To some extent, this problem can be eliminated by not seeing them. But what if the kids are too much of a puppy? This can be quite harmful for the partner not accepted by the parents. No protection means no future for the relationship.

16. Feeling burdened by too many expectations: This happens when the expectations do not match, but one of the partners turns out to be more dominating and needy about them. They want the partner to be there at the mall every weekend. They want the partner to pick up phone in the middle of a class session. They want the partner to wear pink shirt. They want the partner to have a certain kind of haircut and so on. The one being burdened by them may choose to take the exit door.

17. Issues after issues do not let the happiness to flow in: It almost feels like Russia and US. The relationship has love. The couple wishes to succeed. Permanent enmity does not exist. But new issues keep outpouring, inhibiting the growth of happiness. He boasts about how other women try to seduce him. She stops taking calls. There were obscene materials in his search history. She scans his Facebook 24/7 to know with whom he talks and this makes him angry. These issues seem trivial to us outsiders, but for couples within the experience see them as serious offences and that’s what causes the happiness to not flow. It is not that the couple is oblivious to the fact that their relationship will not go anywhere. They want to succeed, but it keeps going in vain. Most often couples who go through this decide to cut off all the romance and stay as friends.

When to Say I love You to Your Partner (Practical Idea)

It is funny how there are so many advisers online warning people about the line “I Love You”. Most often the question is about when to say it to a partner. This is what people are actually looking for.

How long should you wait before you let your lips to flutter “I love you”? One of the articles which I found the funniest said something like “some partners don’t want you to utter it at all because they want you to show it instead”. This advice profoundly suits pet owners. Animals do not understand our language that well. Try telling those golden words to your dog. Just like my cat, he will probably reply with a “whatever” look. But both the animals accept food and rub we give to them as token of our love. So in short, they are the ones who prefer the show. When humans live by this motto, they make relationships look like ponzi schemes. That's because at the end of the day, this means that they want the partners to keep investing on the relationship for fantasy yield while they remain free of every deeper commitment. It is strange that some relationship experts try to make I love you sound suffocating. If you truly wish to know when to say those words read on.

Practically, refrain from saying I love you to a person you have just met. Otherwise, you will get treated like a very immature person. Some bolder love interests may even reply to it with “you don’t even know me”. There is a difference between like and love. The first stage of the courtship involves liking which has direct connection to infatuation. Love is deeper than that. The meaning of seriously loving someone means you accept them as they are. You love to be next to them and you have no problem with their evil side and all other weaknesses. So before you say I love you to a love interest, get to know them. Date them. Learn more about their habits, views and so on. Find out if you two are compatible. Ask yourself if you can imagine yourself with this person married and happy. If your heart says yes bring it on. Do remember that there is nothing called 4 months, 1 year, golden jubilee waiting period rule for I love you. Sometimes it takes only three weeks for two people to get to know each other. Others take 2 or 3 months. So whenever you feel ready and just jump.

What if the partner says that they were not ready for it? 

You can significantly avoid this from happening by hinting to them that you love them some days before the arrangement of that golden moment. But best of all, try hinting about the future. Openly tell them about how it would be nice to spend the rest of your life with them. If they feel uncomfortable to this you know they are not ready to hear the words just yet. What if this goes for 7 months? Then you know they are milking you. Run!

What if they never ever return the favor with “I love you too”?

This is not a good symptom at all. A person who never says I love you too has one or two of the following problems:

Hurt from past relationship, sexual abuse or parents’ divorce
Sometimes chaotic relationships stop people from believing in love. During your early dating days, you will come to know about the history. Still hurting from the past is usually a clear sign that they need time to heal. In a situation like this, you can try helping your partner. However, if nothing changes and you feel uncomfortable with the artificialness of the relationship you need to break off. The reason will be explained shortly.

Have ludus view on love
Now what exactly is ludus view on love? The word has multiple meanings, but often is associated with playing games. In psychology, it is considered as love style of players. But one does not have to be a habitual player to reject the words. Apparently, for some people, the relationship is what matters the most and not the partner. They have abnormal inclination to save the words for some soul mate they believe will one day knock on their door. These are also the same people who use that don’t say, just show it excuse and keep leading on their current partners. This is nothing but a game.

The mainstream experts say that  "I love you" is frightening to some people and even can burden the relationship with complicacy. That truly means seeing the partner's true color. Ask yourself  these questions: what good is a relationship where you cannot fulfill positive verbal urge? What good is a partner who cannot accept three simple romantic words? What good is a heart that makes you feel guilty about the line? The rejection simply means they do not accept you for who you are. Relationship cannot be built on just sex and doing lovely things for each other. Just like many other areas of our lives, it does need verbal assurance. In fact, when we are young, only verbal assurance can help us make our relationship solid.

6 Great Valentine's Day Ideas for Singles

It is wrong to think that Valentine’s Day is booked only for couples. Legends surrounding the holiday made it appear this way. But tradition can be broken. In fact, if we look closely at this holiday we will find that it is mainly about celebrating love. This is the ultimate truth that no one can refute. Hence, singles should feel free to cherish the day by doing something fun and special. Here are some great tried-and-true ideas to make it happen.

1. Plan a party with friends:  This can be easily turned into a new ritual for all your single friends. Plan it all in advance. Keep the dress theme of the party as Valentine’s Day so that you all can dress up in red and pink. To make it more fun, go to shop for the dresses with your friends.

2. Give presents to your friends: If you do not want to party, this can be your best option. The experience of picking gifts can be exciting for people of all ages. Bottom-line here is to make your friends happy which obviously will bring joy to your life too. Go for simple Valentine’s Day themed gifts. Even chocolates can put a smile on a face. This sounds high schoolish, but as mentioned earlier, it is not important to follow the tradition.

3. Help your parents arrange a romantic date: Good karma is gained from doing good deeds. Instead of thinking about loneliness, get to work for your parents. Help them choose gifts for each other. Arrange a romantic date for them to make their Valentine’s Day memorable. This will not only create more warmth in your family, but will also one day get you a great partner. 

4. Attend an event made only for Singles: Most cities in America have a number of annual Valentine’s Day events arranged only for singles. When you go to search for them online the titles will give you the hint. For instance, Californian city San Jose will have an event this 14th called Valentine’s Day Single Dance. Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, there will be a speed dating event on the same day for the singles. Go to Eventbrite site to check what is happening in your area.
5. Fill up your closet with stuff you like: In the name of gift, more and more retail stores willingly now slash prices on clothes, jewelry and shoes during the week of Valentine’s Day. If you love all such items then go to mall and take advantage of it. The sale usually ends on February 14th.

6. Participate in philanthropic work: If you do not have friends or family, does some charity work for the less fortunate. This is also a way to spread love and peace. Most nonprofit organizations have an event set for Valentine’s Day. You can look for one by using Volunteer Match site. You can also make cookies, chocolates and cupcakes to sell them on that day and donate the money to a charity organization of your choice.

6 Things That Show You Disrespect Your Partner

We all want a relationship where we want to be respected. We wish to do the same to our partners. But how do we define the meaning of it? Respecting is not limited to how we diplomatically accept their viewpoints and habits. Its role is extended to what we do and say in and outside the relationship. If you feel confused about it then have a look at the five points given below. They highlight how you might be changing your respect for your partner into disrespect.

1.Discussing your bedroom stories with your friends: Do you give out every detail to your friend about what goes in your bedroom? Do you discuss how your partner is in bed to the point of ridiculing them? If you say yes to both the questions then you are disrespecting your partner. Sure it is good to discuss sex in order to enhance awareness, but giving too many details about your partner’s sex life means you are being immature.

2.Cancelling out your partner’s statements through humiliation: Do you make fun of your partner’s suggestion or opinion? If your answer is yes then you should know that by doing this you are letting him or her know that you do not give much respect to their statements. Just put yourself in their shoes to get a taste of it and soon you will know how it is wrong.

3. Telling them to hang out with you when they have already told you that they are busy: You care about the fact that you are missing them. But to mitigate that, when you force your partner to leave the task they are busy with and hang out with you, you basically show that you hardly respect their work.

4. Cursing at them: This is by far the biggest element that highly stretches the fact that you have no respect for your lover. Cursing is a devil driver, whose effect can remain in your relationship for a long period of time, creating constant ups and downs. Actually, swear words are not easily forgotten by a partner and they often compel them to ask themselves whether you are worth their time or not.

5. Intentional avoidance: Ignoring their calls, not responding to their text messages for more than 12 hours, disappearing and then suddenly popping up in their lives with the thought that they will always be there for you are some of the examples of your disrepsect towards your partner. As a matter of fact, this way you are indirectly sending out the message to them that you are trying to play games in the relationship.

6. Ordering them to do things for you constantly in front of guests or strangers:  This is a way to show guests that you are the one who dominates the relationship. They will get the message with an extra line that you do not have much respect for your partner. Be aware of losing reputation. Traditionally, people believe that both partners in a relationship must share household tasks equally with male and feminine roles being exceptions. So don’t send a girlfriend outside to fix your car. Don’t make a man hold your purse while you do all the shopping. Otherwise, it won’t take much time for your relationship to turn into a joke.

Ladies don’t want their Friends to be Promiscuous (Research)

We tend to think people of similar mentality and behavior gel together extremely well. No friendship can last without good amount of compatibility. This now looks true only for certain relationships. We are absolutely aware of the fact that men, no matter how much of a prostitute they are, don’t want to take promiscuous women as their wives. A study done by researches of Cornell University proves women are no different.

The survey they have done reveals that despite having their own glittery sexual past, female college students frown upon promiscuous peers who had more than 20 partners in their pouch before the age of 25. In their eyes, virgins are better friends than those.

Both men and women have taken part in the survey. Hence, it is good to ask how men view other sexually active men. Strangely, the findings show that majority of them are not much into it at all. They are fine being friends with such men as long as danger of girlfriend theft remains undetected. In such a position, they favor inexperienced men to be more appropriate for friendships.

The researchers feel that women basically wish to stay away from the social stigma associated with such peers. They are hoping that someday people will open their eyes and accept the arrangement wholeheartedly as healthy.

Now here is the thing, the survey of the researchers seems incomplete. They should have had questions regarding the reasons behind the negativity. Just that one thing about stigma is not enough to explain it all. Little brainstorming reveals the following reasons:

STD's: The idea of 20 partners brings to mind sexually transmitted diseases. No one wants to contract those.

Addiction and Narcissism: It can also bring to mind progressive intimacy disorder which according to psychologists has high correllation with narcissistic tendencies, the acts that generally are thought to make the patient 1. exploit others for personal 2. insult peers out of jealousy 3. do not respect limits. Therefore, we can deduce that women feel certain amount of discomfort around highly promiscuous peers.

Boyfriend theft: Because of the above fact, such women are stereotyped as flirty and dominating. “What if they steal the boyfriend or crush?” a female mind fears.

Illegal activity trouble: One cannot simply go around finding bed partners in random places including classroom where majority of the students do not see the need to be personal with their classmates. Sometimes the urge can mean exploring forbidden areas. No one wants trouble with cops especially during a time when the focus is largely on the future career.

Feeling more superior: Narrow viewpoint might be at play. No matter what the history is and how we behave, we individually like to think of ourselves as more careful than the rest. Just try asking a player whether they have any fear of STD's. The answer they will give is that they always make a point to use protection and go only with those who are clean. Funny thing is that not many are open about such topics and no one carries their lab reports in purses and pockets. So probably the students who took part in the survey think that they have made healthier choice by keeping their numbers low.

It would be interesting to know how women now view players. Are they truly hunks or something else? Looks like in this research this has been excluded to concentrate mainly on women. 

Why Men Do Not Break Up With Psycho Women

One of my friends who used to consider himself a hunk continuously fell for psycho unstable women. The pain he went through because of this never helped him open his eyes. Few months ago, he married a woman with whom he had on and off relationship. I feel relieved that he has settled down. But at the same time I fear that sooner or later he will start calling me again to tell me what a prince in distress he is!

Probably, within couple of months or years, he will start knocking the door of the court for divorce. At this point, I see his marriage like a time bomb. I have been working as a negotiator between romantic parties for a long time and every time a man comes to me with his complaint I hear “She’s such a drama queen”. Yet he continues to be with her. My boyfriend had similar stories to tell me about his friends. We both agreed that complaints we heard were completely same despite the fact that these men came from different ethnic backgrounds. This shouldn’t come as a surprise. Regardless of where we all have come from, our feelings related to love and hate work in the same way because first we are a human race. Personalities and viewpoints differ though. They form from our environments. They can compel some men to continue being with psycho women. My boyfriend and I discuss it lot. This has allowed us to draw some conclusions on the mentality of such men. Have a look at them below:

1. “I must obey my society at any cost”

Some men don’t love or stay in a relationship because they truly want it. Their main intention is to please their society. Statistics show that men still equal marriage with high status. Meanwhile, cultural anthropology books state that in American society, a relationship elevates a young person’s social status. This is most prevalent in high schools. Teens are expected to start a relationship as soon as they hit the age of 14. Under such circumstances, the men are relieved to have just any woman by their side. Personality can go to hell! Note that same is true for young girls. You will find parents forcing their teen daughter to find a boyfriend. Apparently, arranged marriage is no different. In South Asia, divorce is still a sign of stigma. Sure the men have power, but they still have the fear of the society which may deem them the main villains who wreaked the marriage.

2. “I am not confident that I will find someone new”

I have met several people who fear of being alone. Some of them are players. They are never looking for long term relationships. They are just happy jumping from one woman to another. But then there are those who tend to think that they have no skill or charm to woo women. Once they find a relationship, they simply want to hold on to it even if it means constant mental torture. They just think that if they break up they will never find anyone new.

3. “Problems are Spicy”

There is a group of men who love the idea of arguing and taking up challenges. Even in a relationship, they look for them.  Fortunately, they find it all in unstable women. Unfortunately, despite feeling high from such things, they choose to torture others with their series of complaints about their partners.

4. “I need a trophy wife”

By definition, trophy wife is a woman who acts as a decoration piece for her husband in social gatherings.  She is actually taken into a marriage because of her beauty. Now men always dream of having a beautiful wife. Some of them, however, with time, manage to understand that marriage is just more than being with a woman. But those do not can only be saved by the heaven! After all, a relationship based on lust and show off does not see the dawn too long.

5. “She’s my ticket to wealth”

Men do not take a second to call a woman gold digger if she expects them to treat to her in a luxurious way. However, several news stories have shown that some husbands got their wives killed for a big chunk of life insurance money. Not playing blame game here. The point I am trying to highlight is that men too can be gold digger. My boyfriend has a friend like that. He is with a psycho woman because she is completely established and has house of her own. My boyfriend was joking that the guy called him once to tell him how depressed he was because of her. He was actually embarrassed by her many times in public places. My boyfriend told me many stories about it. We both always wondered why this guy was not breaking up. But then when we looked into her immense wealth we understood what he was after. I had another guy friend who got into a relationship for similar mission. He too complained how he was getting driven over by the girlfriend every now and then. But at the same time, he used to boast that one day when he will marry her, he will turn into an instant millionaire. My boyfriend also has another friend who married a 50 year old lady because of her wealth. He is currently 27. “Money can’t buy love”  line seems to not have practical depth!

Romeo and Juliet According to Youtube Subtitles

Technology is now progressing at a higher speed. But here and there, there are some bumps. Not every technological aspect is as perfect and convenient as we want it to be.

Take Youtube for instance, it has given us freedom to share heavy video files with the entire world for free. Its screens can be shrunk or made larger. But even after all this, the site does show some weaknesses. No, its not the ads, but subtitle feature. It was introduced  to help those who have hearing disability and those who do not understand a language very well. Few days ago, I was playing around with this subtitle feature. To my surprise, it was tremendously imperfect. No way it is helping those who need it the most. Instead, it’s just adding some entertainment because majority its interpretations are intensely funny. Limit is crossed with the movies adapted from Shakespeare’s plays. If you don’t believe it, then have a look at what we have below. The movie is Romeo and Juliet. 

1. In this scene, the prince is warning the Capulets and Montagues. According to the subtitles, he seems quite poetic. Don't even ask about grammatical mistakes. They exist in all the subtitles. 

2. Here is Juliet's father talking about "communism" at a time when the term did not even exist.

4. Friar Laurence and Romeo talk about baseball and website

5. This one is more shocking! Romeo is not his father's son.

6. This is by far one of funniest scenes. Friar Laurence here gives Romeo lecture on business and as you can see, American styled past election. Then he reveals that the school he went to is called Internet.

How about the love song "A time for us"/"what is an youth"? For refresher, here it is:
This beautiful ballad taken from Shakespeare's other plays also dies a horrible death in the hands of Youtube. We have it below. Some punctuation have been inserted to make the lyrics readable.
Want Issa you in anti Jewish mom,
Why did you use them and they
Mason and he is an?
World wants an.
Real moved me.
Had Donahue you,
Div all of
Little their rand noon?
Com deny when one’s these mom and...
And since the sand lauren wald mainland
Loves him we me.
Slow moving commanded you man,
My isn’t it news and and we,
My name is the very best and read.
New Review rules are simple paid by the
King missing me this long.
Problems and to hardship for a long,
Some heated and hunting and be a direct
Call not parts dot menon at our world.
War to determine harmony and their tuition...
All computer brett hume alerts law.
No, the, then do you know?

Why Relationships Can Be Toxic for Teenagers

In the United States, as soon as a teenager starts going to high school, he or she is expected to have a relationship. According to American culture, it raises status in the friend circle. For this same reason, sometimes parents also encourage their teenage son or daughter to start dating. The pop culture is another thing that promotes such idea. But should you as a teenager really need to be a part of it? The truth is that no because it is not a requirement. In fact, there are several valid reasons which can help you understand that having a relationship during teenage years is not a good idea at all. Just read them below:

1. Your grades will get impacted: Your high school grade point average is your key to getting into a good university. A relationship has many issues which will impact how your perform in your classes.  In other words, your boyfriend or girlfriend might cause you to ruin your good GPA. Think about your mom and dad. Have you not seen them fight and stay tensed about it for hours? Same thing can happen to you and your partner. Why go through this when you have a good career to look forward to? What you do in your high school is tightly linked with your university years.

2. You will be missing out the fun of being a child: Having a relationship needs some maturity. You basically have to force yourself to appear like that in front of your partner. In the process, you will sacrifice having the fun of being a child. Yes, you might think that since you are able to understand many things, you have become an adult. Unfortunately, once you reach 25, you will feel like going back in time to become a teenager once again to enjoy the innocence of life. High school years are actually better without a relationship. It will allow you to feel free and jolly with your friends.

3. Your relationship might simply not work out: It is quite easy to think that a relationship will raise your status in your friend circle or high school. But interestingly, it is seen that majority of the time high school couples do not get to see a happy ending. There can be many reasons behind this. One of them is that after they become adults, they get the feeling that they are not really suitable for each other. Otherwise, one partner moves out to study in a different a state or distant city. Overall, there are many failed high school relationships. You can become a part of this statistics also. What if your partner ends up breaking up with you? In a way, this will only show you that you have wasted your time with them.

4. Depression that comes with the heartbreak: Being lonely among many high school friends who have partners can certainly be frustrating. But having a breakup is more painful than this. You will feel that this is the end of the world and that no one would ever love you again. Such thoughts will make you extremely depressed and thus, your teen years will be full of sadness and sorrow.

For all this and more, we can conclude that having a relationship for a teenager is nothing, but a hassle. High school years must be spent on education because at the end of the day, this is what will help you become the most desired bachelor or bachelorette. There are survey results that actually stand by this statement.

Reasons Why Your Ex is Contacting You Again

Once, they were apple of your eyes. You two went to many parties and shared midnight fun with each other. They were simply irresistible. But then came a time when you parted ways. It hurt you a lot. It made you cry. Perhaps, the breakup was your decision. Perhaps, they thought you were not the one they dreamed of. It took you days to get over them. Now no more you need to think about them because you have your ultimate guy or girl next to you. Several days passed by. Inside your mind you are once again happy, but then suddenly that ex of yours contacts you with a how are you or do you remember me line. What is wrong here? Why suddenly so much friendship pouring out from their heart for you? Honestly speaking, there can be several reasons behind this. We have them below.

Backup plan:
Most people when they wish to get out of their relationship, but have fear of being alone prefer to create a backup plan. In short, they first would like to have someone new and then ditch their present lover. When this new person is not within reach they go through the book of their romantic past to find an ex who loved and cared for them a little more than the rest. In their eyes, this type of ex lover is much easier to entice. This is one reason why your ex probably contacted you.

Loneliness and Low Self Esteem: 
Both loneliness and low self esteem sometimes can be temporary. But somehow they can be eliminated through ego boost. Nothing does it better than flirty words coming from the opposite sex. But what if no one is available at present? In this situation, a caring ex comes in handy! The loneliness can sometimes revive the dead relationship.

In need of Closure: 
A breakup free of closure is crippling for many. It can’t let them move on from their past relationships. This is depressing for their health. We definitely should not disrespect such ex lovers. They are tied to many questions. This calls for a heart to heart conversation.

Okay to be Friends with the Ex: 
Some people can move on very quickly and they definitely see no harm in being friends with their ex lovers. This is okay. However, if such arrangement complicates our present relationship or marriage we should stay away from it.

Revenge Plan: 
If you are deciding on whether to respond to the call of your ex always take the reason behind your breakup into consideration. Did you brutally break up with them? If yes, there is a high possibility that your ex wishes to get even with you through revenge.

Child in the Equation: 
This is a very sensitive issue and thus should be treated seriously. In this situation, your ex is not being immature at all. A child needs the support of both biological parents sometimes.

You Are the One: 
Just look at the love story of Kate Middleton and Prince William. They broke up here and there. Now they are married. This is rather a superficial example. Yes, they are together, but whether their marriage will last depends largely on what happens in their future. 

Any relationship that went through turmoil in the past might not always turn into a good marriage later. That said after several failed or shallow relationships, it is possible that your ex thinks that he had something of value with you. They wish to revive it. But please do not jump to conclusion that you will have a fairytale ending with them. Open the book of your past and read it. If your love with them was double edged sword just swim away. Keep in mind that majority of the time cheaters and abusers cannot give happiness to others for a long time.

5 Worst Compliments You Do not Want to Receive

A compliment is taken as a positive gesture, for it boosts the recipient’s self esteem. But there is a way to structure the lines of these compliments appropriately. Otherwise, they turn out to be offensive. You don’t believe it? Well, then take a look at some real life compliments and the hidden meanings surrounding them.

1. I like you because you are different.
This is a compliment made popular by some romantic movies. In the real world, is a very common line. In fact, as a girl you will hear it million times in your single life. Mostly guys will use it on you. But there is nothing exciting about it. The real meaning hiding behind it is, “you are not like other girls, but I am not sure how that is so”. A guy who likes you for who you are should be able to say at least five of your qualities which impress him. This is the best to figure out whether he has taken time to get to know you better.

2. I love being with you because you remind me of my late or ex girlfriend.
Lots of painful emotions are attached to this compliment. But it really is full of selfishness. The person wants to be with you not because of who you are, but for how your personality or face reminds him of someone he had in the past. 

3. You are beautiful. You look just like your cousin.
The first line is okay. But you do not want the next one to be part of the compliment. Its hidden meaning is “you would not have been beautiful if you did not look like your cousin XYZ”.

4. You can never fail in acting because it is in your blood.
You will receive this compliment if you are a second generation actress in your family. At face value, it looks quite inspiring. But the true message hidden within it is “you are fake because your parents themselves are fakers”.

5. You look pretty when you are angry.
This compliment comes usually from either a boyfriend or husband. Probably, it is a way to pacify an angry tigress. But do you ever wonder what is the indirect meaning attached to this kind of compliment? It is “normally, you are not pretty”. 

Things to Include In Your Boyfriend’s Valentine’s Day Gift Basket

Valentine’s Day baskets usually contain many essential presents related to love and friendship. However, most of those things are more suitable for women and not for men. So giving one of them to a boyfriend can turn slightly embarrassing.

Basically, the best thing to do is to make one for him. Good news is that the job is not difficult at all. Below is a list of items which will make your job much easier. See if you can get them from the store. Note that we are skipping the tiny little Valentine’s Day decoration pieces like flowers and balloons.

Chocolates or Cookies: They are a must and you know that! But pick either cookies or chocolates. No need to include both. The best brand for men is Mrs. Fields or Godiva. If the man you are with is not yet your official boyfriend, pick rectangular shaped chocolate box for him. That will keep your gift basket more formal and he will not even think you are pushing it all on him.
Stuffed animal: Decide which one looks manly. It is easy for men to think that teddy bears are overused and cheesy. So to be on the safe side, you can include a monkey in the basket. Otherwise, go for video game characters. Avid gamers like collecting them. 
Dog Tag Necklace: If you want your boyfriend to carry a piece of you everywhere consider adding a dog tag necklace to the basket. Best is to pick something red to go with the theme of Valentine's day. Dog tag necklace is made mainly for men and tends to be affordable. Hence, your boyfriend will not mind wearing it. 
Cap: The necklace we just talked about will not fill up your basket because of its tiny size unless you insert it in a box. If this is the reason why you wish to skip it for something bigger consider buying a cap for him. This is one of the best gifts for men who watch sports. 

Mug: Stores are filled with all kinds of mugs. Of course, you should pick the one that has the theme of 14th February, but make sure it contains no heart or cartoon artwork. If necessary go with a red colored plain mug.  Otherwise, you can get a personalized one because most often Valentine’s Day based mugs are not used, but kept as decoration pieces on the table. It is the habit of men. So who can get you personalized mug? The answer is Wal-Mart and Walgreens. By the way, if you wish you can also pick a wine glass instead of mug.

Pen: Nothing can beat that. No worries, your boyfriend will appreciate this gift. It has been a tradition among men to gift pens to one another. So they can be taken as a safe present for a boyfriend. Try to score a golden or silver colored pen. Both the colors go in sync with the red fervor of Valentine’s Day.

Paperweight: This can give a unique touch to your gift basket. But it can be difficult to search one that has Valentine’s Day theme. You basically have to try different stores. You must still know that paperweight can be made from polymer clay.

Key chain: This is a tiny keepsake present, but available in many different forms. Moreover, every store has them. Go with the one that attracts you most.

Framed picture of you two: This romantic gift will capture your boyfriend’s attention. You can use it as the center piece of the basket. Just get a frame and picture of your choice and put them together.

How to Celebrate Halloween with Boyfriend in a Romantic Way

It is a big misconception that Halloween is only for kids and people looking for fun out in town. This day can also be special in love relationships. As a matter of fact, you can celebrate it with your boyfriend or even husband. The age is definitely not the barrier in it and the night can go without partying. To keep things romantic between him and you just follow any of the quick ideas mentioned below. But remember, before you even try any of them out you need to inform your sweetheart that you want the night to be not only fun, but also romantic.

Give each other Halloween presents
The stores always bring in different Halloween items. Just pick one along with a card for him. Do let him know in advance about your mission. But keep the overall structure of your present a secret. Giving surprise is exciting, after all. If you want you can also give him a handmade gift.

Pick a box or pack of candies for each other
Halloween is nothing without candies. Sweeten your boyfriend’s mouth with some of them. The best is to go for the exotic ones designed just for the Halloween. If you wish you can give their box or pack your own touch by wrapping it with orange gift wrap or anything else of your choice.

Watch a horror movie together
The night will be cold anyways. But at home, it will be warm. Close all lights and watch a horror movie with each other. Make sure its story is new to both of you. There is just no fun in watching old stuff. Last, don’t forget to be under blanket. It is even more romantic.

Have a Halloween dinner
Just because it is going to be Halloween does not mean you two will not be hungry. So arrange a special dinner for two. If you do not know how to cook anything that marks the night just use Halloween based plates and bowls. Those things are in the store for a reason!

Boyfriends and Girlfriends Must Lie That They Are Single

In some point in our lives, we fill out forms that ask us about our marital status. It allows them to maybe evaluate you against others for statistics report. It is also a way for them to know whether you are eligible for any kind of benefits. Whatever the reason is, sometimes the question on marital status can be taken as  offensive for those who are in a happy relationship or those that are engaged already, but do not live with their partners under the same roof.

Just see the screen shot given below. It is taken from a survey form. The point to note is that the question given below had nothing to do with eligibility for benefits. 
 Don't you think something is missing here? Let's cancel out the options: married, divorced, living together and widowed. We need to focus on the option, single. It is a term used for people who are not with anyone exclusively. But what is that one verb used to define someone having a relationship? It is "committed". This is what they have not given as one of the answer options.

Generally, it is not important to live with a signification other in order to show our commitment towards them. But some people creating forms and applications like to overlook that.  The result of this is that when declaring marital status in an application or form the committed ones become compelled to pick the option, "single". In other words, they are forced to lie about their relationship status.

Yes, it is understandable that the question regarding the marital status has a direct connection with the verification of whether we are married. Because of this, being divorced and widowed are given as its two other answer options. But don't you think having a committed relationship also has a connection with marriage? People generally use them to declare that at some point in their lives they are planning on marrying their significant others. So those who are making forms and applications must include "committed" as another option under marital status question. Otherwise, we have to conclude that they encourage people to lie.

Why Living Together Without a Marriage is A Selfish Move

The structure of our society has been changing rapidly. People no more marry early because they want to first see themselves established. A secure job, money and sometimes a permanent home are their top priorities. That is actually a wise move.

But in the middle, there are also those who would prefer to stay with their partners under the same roof for a while before saying “I do”. Although a norm now it never fails to confuse many senior mommies and daddies. Meanwhile, researchers have taken an interest in learning more about it. Strangely, sometimes they see it as positive and sometimes completely negative. We cannot ignore the religious people either. They will always see it as a sin.

Interestingly, there are some writers and advisers out there who have been calling cohabitation a selfish arrangement. But why you ask? Don’t worry; you are not the only one who has this question. There was a time when even I wondered how cohabitation was a selfish move despite being against it. Thanks to my boyfriend, now I understand it and I am going to talk about it here today. He actually has two explanations for it.

Might not be a marriage material

According to him, if a guy recommends his girlfriend to move in to his apartment while reminding her that he is not ready for marriage yet she should take it as insult. The reason behind this is that no matter how much he convinces her that there are benefits to doing it, deep down inside he has doubt about whether she is truly a marriage material. The good thing about this step is that it allows him to create a security hole! But this is not all. In the name of test drive, he enjoys a free maid who would do household tasks for him with love. If things go wrong he will be able to say goodbye to her without letting the law step in. 

Perhaps, not true love

“He is in doubt that he loves her truly” says my boyfriend. According to him, most men wish to marry the true love of their lives. It is a way for them to immortalize their relationships. They will do everything to make it happen. Sure many marriages which had no connection with cohabitation ended up dying. But the point to note is that those marriages were done out of love.  In other words, the men said “I do” because they wanted to immortalize their love. But when they start to see cohabitation as the best option they are telling themselves that they are not yet sure if they really love their partners. That is why, they wish to take advantage of again, the security hole. In short, they are still being selfish.We all are aware of the fear involved in saying I love you to the wrong person. "Would you marry me?" is a question similar to that. Yes, saying "I love you" without consulting the heart can be sometimes easy, but same is not true for "Would you marry me?" The question is actually larger than life and only those who are sure of their true feelings can utter it.

Of course, many women can have similar thoughts and not just men.  It takes two to tango after all! The truth is that if doubts prevent a relationship from getting the title of marriage there must be something wrong with it. This is just what my boyfriend says and I agree with him. Of course, he has gone a step farther by saying that when a man asks a woman to move in she should take it as an insult because she is not exactly worthy of being his wife. What you just read is not based on research. I would be glad if my readers state here their own opinions on whether they see cohabitation as selfish. 

How to Make Your Cat or Dog Stand Out through Its Name

These days, while most pet cats are named as Skittle or Tom, dogs seem to never get out of the title of Oscar. Other times, they are usually named after the most hated celebrities. For instance, it is a fact that when Bush Jr. named his cat India, in the state of Kerala of India, at least hundred dogs were christened as Bush. But do you think it is fair for pets to deserve a name based on enmity? They are just like family members after all. That is why, their names should be unique and memorable.

When I was a kid I brought 3 feral kittens home. It was the world cup season and that actually ended up making my home a soccer field. 24/7, my family talked only about the soccer. Being a tiny kid, I could not fit in with that. So I remained busy getting friendly with my kittens. Of course, my sister noticed their cuteness and thus, decided to take the full responsibility of giving them names and that is also after her favorite soccer players. She picked one from the Argentina team. The other two were from Italian and English teams. The kittens began soaking them all up. So every time we mentioned the players’ names, they came running to us. Meanwhile, the neighbors and relatives were also made aware of them. Since they too were crazy about soccer, they started seeing our kittens as different from the rest of the pets who had very ordinary names. In short, the names gave them higher status that no other pets received in the area.

Now my kittens are no more with me. But their names are still in the minds of our relatives and past neighbors. Sometimes, in conversation, they ask us if we remember our kittens. As a result, we feel highly proud of them.

The lesson to be learned from this is that pets should be given names of big people who make us their fans. That is how, even if they part us, their memories will remain with us forever.  So next time, when you get a new pet name it after the celebrity you love most.  Do you like Lady Gaga? If yes name your pet after her. This is how you will not only get closer to it, but  will also start to find yourself growing more admiration for Lady Gaga in the coming days.  

16 New Relationship Status Options On Facebook

Facebook is working efficiently, systematically, insanely and honestly to find the option that best describes your relationship. Yes, your boyfriend might not be telling you exactly where he stands with you, but worry not! Just go to your Facebook and by a click of a button baptize your relationship with him. Things are getting exciting. Or maybe not?

You will feel the hurt while choosing the right one from their given relationship status options, but again, something is better than nothing, right? Now obviously, in this situation, you will pick their “It’s complicated”. But what if your situation changes tomorrow and you again have to take care of your relationship status?

Facebook understands it. Thus, as mentioned before, they are working to give you more titles for your relationship. So far they have provided 11 of them. Just check below.

I really don’t think the ones given above can describe every relationship status.  So I do agree that Facebook needs to come up with some more.  I actually have some suggestions for them.  Just see below:
  • Crushing
  • In one sided love affair
  • In an abusive relationship
  • In a secret relationship
  • Married but in an extra marital affair
  • In a happy relationship
  • In a forced relationship
  • In a dying relationship
  • In a dying marriage
  • Just got cheated
  • Heartbroken
  • In a boring relationship
  • In friends with benefits
  • It’s incompatible
  • In an uncivil union
  • Its uncomplicated (now)
There, I just suggested 16 new options for the drop down menu of Facebook relationship status. Don’t think it is funny. There are several people who are going through all this.