Narcissistic Mother's Smear Campaign Against Her Drug Addicted Son

The owner of Narcissists Child blog wrote a letter to estranged and alienated parents and grandparents. She has got a few replies to it. One comes from a narcissist parent who seems to follow the smear campaign formula we discussed here quite efficiently, eventually exposing her disorder. Her scapegoat has cut off contact with the entire family. It seems she wants to get in touch with him, but her reply is a good confirmation that her son went through a lot and thus, his decision to go no contact is completely fair.

She writes: “I too, have had tragedy in my life. One I am sure I will never get over.”

Comment: Narcissists love to play the victim and that is exactly what she begins with. But she is not in touch with reality. She has no idea that parents don’t get over estrangement.

She writes: “My son has been addicted to heroin for over 10 years. He was 22 when he started.”

Comment: The narcissist now begins the smear campaign against the scapegoat. It is easy to see that he is so severely hurt inside that he feels his only coping mechanism is substance abuse.

She writes: “My husband and I could do nothing b/c he was not a minor”.

Comment: Can you see what is wrong here? She has no idea that when it comes to saving someone from heroin addiction age is not a factor. She did neglect her son. Normal parents get devastated by the news of their kid taking heroin. This is no ordinary drug.

By the way, if any of your family member is into substance abuse you can go for national help line.

She writes: “Our entire family involved themselves in this process of helping my son get clean, with good intentions.”

Comment: The line should help you see the kind of danger a scapegoat has to experience in a family setting. It is not normal for someone to add "with good intentions" in a line about life saving.

She writes: “My son also has been involved with a woman 11 years older than him.”

Comment: This unnecessary line is added to provide shock value. She wants us to feel disgusted.

She writes: “They have a child. I am alienated from my son and my granddaughter, so is his father and brothers. Our alienation is not b/c of our behavior or any perceived attitude towards entitlement.”

Comment: A normal parent would begin her comment from here. The kid’s heroin addiction history is irrelevant especially when she has not shown any worries about how heroin kills. What matters to her is that the entire family went to help him. 

She writes: “We have broken no house rules.”

Comment: That's so convincing! Trust is a house rule. As we can see, although the guy is no more in contact with her she has not stopped demeaning him.

She writes: “Quite frankly I was surprised to find you are as old as you are. I expected such a misguided piece to be written by an entitled millennial”.

Comment: She again uses smear campaign, but this time against the author.

She writes: “You have no idea what it is like to have a child try to committed suicide and be told you cannot see your granddaughter. You have no idea what it is like to see your granddaughter's mother sneak drugs to your own son and then deny it.”

Comment: She has no idea that heroin is illegal and anyone possessing it can be arrested. But she will not call the cops.

She writes: “At the risk of sounding rude, I would like to add, seek more therapy. Your piece is narcissistic, much like your mother. You do know that behavior is learned,dont you?”

Comment: This is called gas lightening and projection. Behavior is certainly learned. Before this parent neglected her son and now he is neglecting her, but his reasons are all fair.

His situation reminds me of a friend I had in school. She was an exceptional student with an active social life. It all collapsed under the heavy burden of her narcissistic family. At the tender age of 14, her depression forced her into alcoholism. Bottles belonged to her parents. They knew all about it.

Once it became clear that she was coming to school drunk, girls began calling her dangerous. Silently she suffered in the hands of bullies. When her grades declined our teacher had a meeting with her mom and that cleared the air. What went inside the classroom became trauma for the entire school. We were told that the mother shook my friend violently while instructing the teacher to beat the hell out of her if she again did bad.

She didn't have to come to school drunk after that. Bullying stopped and her reputation was back on track. Teachers and girls made an effort to make her feel comfortable. She smiled again.

We should think twice before accepting a mother's toxic gossips about her child. The thing is not normal especially when she is using shock values in her lines. Still we should be thankful to these narcissistic mothers for making the blunder of bringing their smear campaigns to virtual world. A lot can be learned from the long paragraphs they write.