It is common for young people to jump from one relationship
to another. Is it even necessary? In most cases, yes. We all have some kind of expectations
that we want to fulfill through someone else. It does not always come to fruition
because we humans do not have the same minds.
Sometimes our relationships come
to an end abruptly without a closure, leaving us wondering why it happened.
Most often we blame ourselves or the one who initiated the ending. But if we
just rewind all the sections of the relationship, we may get to response
sooner. A doomed relationship always has fool’s gold coatings on. Initially, we
think of them as nothing but false alarms. Only when the bomb is dropped we
come to our senses. Other times, we consciously understand where we are going
wrong, but never make an effort to hear ourselves. Feeling close to someone is
quite fascinating and blinding. That is why, we stay in bad relationships. But
that is just one simple way to explain why a relationship does not work. It is
important that we go into the depth of the gruesome situation to understand
many different reasons responsible for the breakup. Take a deep breath and
begin going through them below. If you are a teenager or in your 20s, you probably went through most of them. They are very common reasons.
17 Common Reasons Why Relationships Don't Work
1. Physical attraction is not there at all: No matter what many
romantic philosophers say, physical attraction matters at least in the first
few years of the relationship. It decides our urge to be sexual with the
partner. It decides how they appear in
our imagination. It makes us feel good about their presence. But what about compromising with an unattractive partner? It may just means that we are forcing ourselves to
warm up to them and that truly does not work in the long run especially if we
have marriage in our mind. Today’s women can be quite nit-picky about the
appearance of their partners. I had the privilege of hearing the criticism
about a boyfriend of my friend. It was so nasty that despite the fact that I
never saw him I felt embarrassed. They eventually decided to end the
relationship. But what brought them together in the first place? It was none other than persuasion. He liked her a lot and kept chasing her. Eventually, she said yes.
2. Difference in values: Simply surrendering to physical attraction
does not lead to happy ending. We must also look into compatibility of the
values because they are a big part of who we are and how we love, what we wear and how we behave. Extreme difference in
those can be detrimental to any relationship, for not being able to accept them can force the couple to feel suffocated. Not accepting the values is also
associated with not liking certain habits of the partner.
3. Boredom in their presence: When you are with the partner you
feel time is just not moving forward. It starts to irritate you. Contrary to this is the feeling that when you are with them time just runs
out faster. This is a positive sign for a relationship. However, if
you don’t enjoy being with your partner you will probably never like the idea
of spending more time with them in the future. Sure for most couples, honeymoon
period comes to an end quickly, but if you think you need to ignore them one full
week by rejecting their calls nothing will save your relationship from going
downhill.
4. Only the sex is good: It is idiotic to think that
relationship can be built on fulfillment of physical needs. Sexual
compatibility is good, but it is just one of the many factors to influence the
success of a relationship. If the partners lack togetherness using those factors,
their relationship is bound to fail.
5. Always in need of adventure and social gathering to keep the
relationship going: This is somewhat same as the one discussed above. However,
if the couple always has to take help of adventures and parties to make their time worthwhile then it means
that they truly do not enjoy each other’s solo presence. Socializing is almost
like an addiction. Some people cannot live without it. Sadly, for
relationships, this does turn toxic. What you need to know is that adventure and parties are temporary and that makes them incompetent relationship battery charger. In a way, too much time spent on social
activities can occasionally jeopardize a relationship. Two
examples are suspicion and misunderstanding. Add alcohol to the socializing
situation and you will find the relationship sliding downward even more. One distant
relative of mine ended up killing his wife because she slept with a man after
drinking too much at a party. They used to be social butterflies. Before
getting married, they used to boast about how they had so much memories at clubs and bars. Another colleague had a breakup because of similar reason.
6. Impossible to talk to each other about problems from other areas of life: When he world shuts door on us we need someone to lean on. It has been known for years that people don't go in relationships just for enhancement of their position in the society, but also
for having proper emotional support. That is the reason why most parents
encourage their kids to get married. Emotional support is traditionally
received in the form of sympathy, encouragement, advice and even physical
actions to do something about the problem. If this main ingredient is absent in
the relationship then nothing can prevent it from getting destroyed. Absence of
emotional support sometimes causes less manly partners to cheat.
7. One partner insults the other in presence of friends or
family: This is truly one of the worst
signs of doomed relationship. Sometimes the partner doing this has no idea that
they are causing their love to feel embarrassed. Most often they will not
change. The excuse they use is that people forget it all. But then there is
another kind of partner who does it as a way to hurt the love intentionally out
of vengeance. Unless someone has puppy character, the insult may turn into cold
war cum atom bomb dropped once in Hiroshima.
8. The man is less successful than the woman: Love is blind to
young souls. Discrimination is wrong. Some college going women begin
relationship with degreeless men. Everything feels nice in the beginning. But
as the brain begins to mature, feeling of being with a less successful man
starts to lurk around. Women usually prefer men who have a college degree. It
is proven by research. I heard several complaints from classmates who feel
embarrassed by the fact that their men never went to college. Strangely, difference
in salary does not always cause this same problem. Also men have less trouble
accepting women with no college degree. It still is a plus.
9. Too many breakups and makeups: Most movies and television
shows glorify it. Remember Winnie and Kevin from Wonder Years? Not sure how
many people thought it was cute that they were always together even after gazillions makeups and breakups. It was just the maker’s marketing tactic to keep viewers
wondering about the fate of their relationship. Like some Hollywood movies, it
did brainwash a few to think that this is how star crossed lovers can get to
happiness. In the end, Kevin married someone else, disappointing many fans of
Wonder Years. Young people cannot resist the idea of breakups and makeups. It
is quite romantic to think that even after so many ups and downs if the couple
can’t say goodbye to each other then there must be some kind of divine
intervention working to bring them together. The opposite is actually true. The divine intervention
works between the doomed couple in the form of breakups, signaling that they
are not made for each other.
10. Unresolved issues: Lots of arguments, makeups and breakups
have happened. But the issue for which they are brought to table is never resolved.
Most often after the makeup, the partners decide to let go of it for a while,
but then after a week it resurfaces and another argument takes place. Going in circle with it is only a sign that
the two partners do not find it easy to agree with each other. Hence, the
relationship may not work.
11. Psychological torture affecting the health and career: When
the problems of a relationship begin to affect the body and other areas of life
through depression and fear it is important step back and think logically. True
love improves us. It does not pose threat to our health and career. At least 5 of my friends ended up failing in
their college classes because of their chaotic relationships. Sadly, none of
those relationships went anywhere, but their F grade continues to hunt them in
the form of low GPA.
12. While one partner is serious, the other one loves to be care
free: Care fee people love to joke around. They are light on responsibilities.
Meanwhile, serious people tend to get upset about jokes coming their way. They
are more disciplined and practice wording their sentences properly. This kind
of difference in communication often does not lead to happiness in
relationships. This is true especially
if the female partner is more serious.
13. Cannot imagine them to be in the future: The partner is in
the dream, but it is impossible to imagine spending the entire life with them.
They are not your wife or husband in your dream. No happiness is found in the
imagination. When the first thought of marriage comes you go in surprise mode.
There is no way you feel you can truly spend the rest of your life with them.
Just a little of thinking about the future can help you understand whether your
relationship will work.
14. Intention was wrong from the very beginning: Once upon a
time, this was connected to mainly men. But now women show similar signs. Sometimes
people get into relationship with no expectation about the future. They are
with someone just to make themselves feel good or boost their status in the
society. Relationship to them is nothing more than a pass time. Consequently, when the idea of marriage is
brought up to table by their partner they frown and fear. Most often they make
up an excuse that they are not ready yet or tactfully change the topic. There
is no point in trying to change their mind. If they can’t think marriage then
the relationship probably will just go in circle or come to an abrupt end.
15. Partner does not provide protection from enemies disguised
as concerned parents: Parents and kids do not always have the same outlook and
taste. It is all because of the differences in personalities and ever changing
generations. Some parents have trouble understanding it. They feel they must
always have a say on with whom their kids mate. To some extent, this problem
can be eliminated by not seeing them. But what if the kids are too much of a
puppy? This can be quite harmful for the partner not accepted by the parents. No
protection means no future for the relationship.
16. Feeling burdened by too many expectations: This happens
when the expectations do not match, but one of the partners turns out to be
more dominating and needy about them. They want the partner to be there at the
mall every weekend. They want the partner to pick up phone in the middle of a
class session. They want the partner to wear pink shirt. They want the partner
to have a certain kind of haircut and so on. The one being burdened by them may
choose to take the exit door.
17. Issues after issues do not let the happiness to flow in: It
almost feels like Russia and US. The
relationship has love. The couple wishes to succeed. Permanent enmity does not
exist. But new issues keep outpouring, inhibiting the growth of happiness. He
boasts about how other women try to seduce him. She stops taking calls. There
were obscene materials in his search history. She scans his Facebook 24/7 to
know with whom he talks and this makes him angry. These issues seem trivial to us outsiders, but
for couples within the experience see them as serious offences and that’s what
causes the happiness to not flow. It is not that the couple is oblivious to the
fact that their relationship will not go anywhere. They want to succeed, but it
keeps going in vain. Most often couples who go through this decide to cut off
all the romance and stay as friends.
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