Sometimes our relationships come to an end abruptly without a closure, leaving us wondering why it happened. Most often we blame ourselves or the one who initiated the ending. But if we just rewind all the sections of the relationship, we may get to response sooner. A doomed relationship always has fool’s gold coatings on. Initially, we think of them as nothing but false alarms. Only when the bomb is dropped we come to our senses. Other times, we consciously understand where we are going wrong, but never make an effort to hear ourselves. Feeling close to someone is quite fascinating and blinding. That is why, we stay in bad relationships. But that is just one simple way to explain why a relationship does not work. It is important that we go into the depth of the gruesome situation to understand many different reasons responsible for the breakup. Take a deep breath and begin going through them below. If you are a teenager or in your 20s, you probably went through most of them. They are very common reasons.
1. Physical attraction is not there at all: No matter what many romantic philosophers say, physical attraction matters at least in the first few years of the relationship. It decides our urge to be sexual with the partner. It decides how they appear in our imagination. It makes us feel good about their presence. But what about compromising with an unattractive partner? It may just means that we are forcing ourselves to warm up to them and that truly does not work in the long run especially if we have marriage in our mind. Today’s women can be quite nit-picky about the appearance of their partners. I had the privilege of hearing the criticism about a boyfriend of my friend. It was so nasty that despite the fact that I never saw him I felt embarrassed. They eventually decided to end the relationship. But what brought them together in the first place? It was none other than persuasion. He liked her a lot and kept chasing her. Eventually, she said yes.
2. Difference in values: Simply surrendering to physical attraction does not lead to happy ending. We must also look into compatibility of the values because they are a big part of who we are and how we love, what we wear and how we behave. Extreme difference in those can be detrimental to any relationship, for not being able to accept them can force the couple to feel suffocated. Not accepting the values is also associated with not liking certain habits of the partner.
3. Boredom in their presence: When you are with the partner you feel time is just not moving forward. It starts to irritate you. Contrary to this is the feeling that when you are with them time just runs out faster. This is a positive sign for a relationship. However, if you don’t enjoy being with your partner you will probably never like the idea of spending more time with them in the future. Sure for most couples, honeymoon period comes to an end quickly, but if you think you need to ignore them one full week by rejecting their calls nothing will save your relationship from going downhill.
4. Only the sex is good: It is idiotic to think that relationship can be built on fulfillment of physical needs. Sexual compatibility is good, but it is just one of the many factors to influence the success of a relationship. If the partners lack togetherness using those factors, their relationship is bound to fail.
5. Always in need of adventure and social gathering to keep the relationship going: This is somewhat same as the one discussed above. However, if the couple always has to take help of adventures and parties to make their time worthwhile then it means that they truly do not enjoy each other’s solo presence. Socializing is almost like an addiction. Some people cannot live without it. Sadly, for relationships, this does turn toxic. What you need to know is that adventure and parties are temporary and that makes them incompetent relationship battery charger. In a way, too much time spent on social activities can occasionally jeopardize a relationship. Two examples are suspicion and misunderstanding. Add alcohol to the socializing situation and you will find the relationship sliding downward even more. One distant relative of mine ended up killing his wife because she slept with a man after drinking too much at a party. They used to be social butterflies. Before getting married, they used to boast about how they had so much memories at clubs and bars. Another colleague had a breakup because of similar reason.
6. Impossible to talk to each other about problems from other areas of life: When he world shuts door on us we need someone to lean on. It has been known for years that people don't go in relationships just for enhancement of their position in the society, but also for having proper emotional support. That is the reason why most parents encourage their kids to get married. Emotional support is traditionally received in the form of sympathy, encouragement, advice and even physical actions to do something about the problem. If this main ingredient is absent in the relationship then nothing can prevent it from getting destroyed. Absence of emotional support sometimes causes less manly partners to cheat.
7. One partner insults the other in presence of friends or family: This is truly one of the worst signs of doomed relationship. Sometimes the partner doing this has no idea that they are causing their love to feel embarrassed. Most often they will not change. The excuse they use is that people forget it all. But then there is another kind of partner who does it as a way to hurt the love intentionally out of vengeance. Unless someone has puppy character, the insult may turn into cold war cum atom bomb dropped once in Hiroshima.
8. The man is less successful than the woman: Love is blind to young souls. Discrimination is wrong. Some college going women begin relationship with degreeless men. Everything feels nice in the beginning. But as the brain begins to mature, feeling of being with a less successful man starts to lurk around. Women usually prefer men who have a college degree. It is proven by research. I heard several complaints from classmates who feel embarrassed by the fact that their men never went to college. Strangely, difference in salary does not always cause this same problem. Also men have less trouble accepting women with no college degree. It still is a plus.
9. Too many breakups and makeups: Most movies and television shows glorify it. Remember Winnie and Kevin from Wonder Years? Not sure how many people thought it was cute that they were always together even after gazillions makeups and breakups. It was just the maker’s marketing tactic to keep viewers wondering about the fate of their relationship. Like some Hollywood movies, it did brainwash a few to think that this is how star crossed lovers can get to happiness. In the end, Kevin married someone else, disappointing many fans of Wonder Years. Young people cannot resist the idea of breakups and makeups. It is quite romantic to think that even after so many ups and downs if the couple can’t say goodbye to each other then there must be some kind of divine intervention working to bring them together. The opposite is actually true. The divine intervention works between the doomed couple in the form of breakups, signaling that they are not made for each other.
10. Unresolved issues: Lots of arguments, makeups and breakups have happened. But the issue for which they are brought to table is never resolved. Most often after the makeup, the partners decide to let go of it for a while, but then after a week it resurfaces and another argument takes place. Going in circle with it is only a sign that the two partners do not find it easy to agree with each other. Hence, the relationship may not work.
11. Psychological torture affecting the health and career: When the problems of a relationship begin to affect the body and other areas of life through depression and fear it is important step back and think logically. True love improves us. It does not pose threat to our health and career. At least 5 of my friends ended up failing in their college classes because of their chaotic relationships. Sadly, none of those relationships went anywhere, but their F grade continues to hunt them in the form of low GPA.
12. While one partner is serious, the other one loves to be care free: Care fee people love to joke around. They are light on responsibilities. Meanwhile, serious people tend to get upset about jokes coming their way. They are more disciplined and practice wording their sentences properly. This kind of difference in communication often does not lead to happiness in relationships. This is true especially if the female partner is more serious.
13. Cannot imagine them to be in the future: The partner is in the dream, but it is impossible to imagine spending the entire life with them. They are not your wife or husband in your dream. No happiness is found in the imagination. When the first thought of marriage comes you go in surprise mode. There is no way you feel you can truly spend the rest of your life with them. Just a little of thinking about the future can help you understand whether your relationship will work.
14. Intention was wrong from the very beginning: Once upon a time, this was connected to mainly men. But now women show similar signs. Sometimes people get into relationship with no expectation about the future. They are with someone just to make themselves feel good or boost their status in the society. Relationship to them is nothing more than a pass time. Consequently, when the idea of marriage is brought up to table by their partner they frown and fear. Most often they make up an excuse that they are not ready yet or tactfully change the topic. There is no point in trying to change their mind. If they can’t think marriage then the relationship probably will just go in circle or come to an abrupt end.
15. Partner does not provide protection from enemies disguised as concerned parents: Parents and kids do not always have the same outlook and taste. It is all because of the differences in personalities and ever changing generations. Some parents have trouble understanding it. They feel they must always have a say on with whom their kids mate. To some extent, this problem can be eliminated by not seeing them. But what if the kids are too much of a puppy? This can be quite harmful for the partner not accepted by the parents. No protection means no future for the relationship.
16. Feeling burdened by too many expectations: This happens when the expectations do not match, but one of the partners turns out to be more dominating and needy about them. They want the partner to be there at the mall every weekend. They want the partner to pick up phone in the middle of a class session. They want the partner to wear pink shirt. They want the partner to have a certain kind of haircut and so on. The one being burdened by them may choose to take the exit door.
17. Issues after issues do not let the happiness to flow in: It almost feels like Russia and US. The relationship has love. The couple wishes to succeed. Permanent enmity does not exist. But new issues keep outpouring, inhibiting the growth of happiness. He boasts about how other women try to seduce him. She stops taking calls. There were obscene materials in his search history. She scans his Facebook 24/7 to know with whom he talks and this makes him angry. These issues seem trivial to us outsiders, but for couples within the experience see them as serious offences and that’s what causes the happiness to not flow. It is not that the couple is oblivious to the fact that their relationship will not go anywhere. They want to succeed, but it keeps going in vain. Most often couples who go through this decide to cut off all the romance and stay as friends.